-So, how did you feel during your first parachute jump?
-Like a bird - I fly and shit, fly and shit...

They asked the radio:
-What does the dog think in the desert?
The answer:
-If I don`t find a tree soon, I`ll pie myself.

Depending on the statistics nine out of ten men prefer women with large breasts and the tenth man prefers the other nine.

So you are a paratrooper? You know what, I would never jump with paraschut!
And I would never jump without parashut!

A man used to have his rum with his parrot. Once they have been having a drink, as always, but the man needed to go to the restroom and told the parrot:
-Only if you dare to drink my rum, I will pluck all feathers you have one by one!
The man came back from the restroom and saw that the rum was gone and the parrot was swinging in his cage.
-Come here, stupid parrot! I will pluck your feathers!
When the parrot saw him, started to pluck his feathers and to scream:
-Fuck off, motherfucker, fuck them feathers.

Q:Do black cats bring happiness?
A:It depends on if you are a human or a mouse!

They asked the radio:
-Why are wedding dresses white?
-Because the standard color of kitchen equipment is white.

Some dude took his girlfriend at his apartment. Shortly after they took their clothes off in the dark...:
-Honey, how do you find my boobs?
-Very difficult!

A policeman saw a kid on the street and asked it:
-What`s you name?
-Like my father`s.
-And what`s his name?
-Like mine!
-And what are your names?!
-They are the same...

A drunk man got in a taxi:
-To the railway station… and please hurry up!
-But sir, we are there! - said the driver.
The drunk man looked at him suspiciously, gave him 5 bugs and said:
-Next time drive slower!

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